Control. I think it's something we all suffer with to some extent. We all like to believe that we're in control of so much in our lives, completely ignoring the fact that a truly amazing amount of what we do and experience is up to chance. For those people who like to control their situations, getting them to loosen the reigns is one of the most difficult things ever.
There are several reasons why relinquishing control can be a very useful thing, indeed.
1) When you're concentrated on controlling events or situations, you are often not creating and maintaining deep human connections with others. The incomparable Brene Brown in years of research has proven time and again that deep, human connections are largely made through vulnerability. When you're in control mode, it's incredible hard to let your vulnerability show. Ask yourself, would I rather be in control or would I rather have deep connections with other people? Human connections are incredibly important to our wellbeing, our careers, and to a happy family life.
2) Similarly, when you are in a place of controlling things, there's a fairly good likelihood that you are not allowing for a lot of inner peace. Being in absolute control is like putting a choke point on feeling peace within your body, which is why when we're in that mode of controlling we can physically feel the changes within the body. Your muscles become stiff, you become more reactive, you may feel hot or flushed. When you relinquish control, you get to experience a sense of ease and contentment which is a very different feeling within the body.
3) When you are set upon controlling the outcome of a certain situation, you're setting yourself up for failure in a lot of ways because more often than not, you're set on things being done in a very particular way. When you can release your need to control a situation, you actually will be better prepared for unexpected things that pop up (and things always pop up!). Although it can be a good idea to have a game plan or a general outline for how things should be done, if you are too tied to a single particular means or outcome, you will be unhappy and unprepared when the unexpected happens! Once again, being in control can lead to a lot of pain!
How Can I Release My Need To Control?
There are several things that you can do to start the process of releasing the need to control situations. Practicing mindfulness can be a killer way to address the problem, because it requires you to bring your attention back to the present moment. When you're in the present moment, it's really hard to be controlling because control, at its heart, is about things that will be happening in the future. It's impossible to control the present! Journaling can certainly help as can identifying the differences between things that can and can't be controlled in our lives.
I believe that one of the most effective means of changing the pattern of being controlling is to try hypnotherapy. So often, people who are very controlling learned that they had to be this way for some reason or another -- maybe going back to childhood. In a hypnosis session, we regress clients to earlier scenes in their lives to discover the source of where the behavior came from. Once those scenes are identified, we get to work in helping reprogram the subconscious mind to understand that control isn't as necessary as it seems. The beauty of hypnotherapy (particularly RTT) is that it's incredibly quick. A lot can be discovered and changed in just a single session.
No matter how you do it, learning to release your need to control can be a huge benefit to your life. Of course, there may occasionally be times when you do need to step in and assert control over a situation, but there are as many -- if not more -- times when it's really great to let others take the lead or to simply step back and let things be. I understand this isn't the most natural experience for most people, but it can be one of the most useful. I have found in my life experience that there were many times when I thought a situation needed control -- action needed to be taken, a discussion had to be had -- but by stepping back and letting things fall into place, the situation resolved itself more often than not. Nowadays, I reserve those big actions and hard discussions for when they're absolutely necessary.
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