Oooooohhhh did I swear in the title? I'm such a bad boy, eh?
Seriously, though, today I want to discuss a little bit about the art of just not giving a fuck. Or, if you prefer more calming words, not giving a hoot about what other people think.
Programming is a really funny thing. When you meet kids who are 2, 3, 4 years old, you're seeing a human being in their element. They are free, unencumbered, wild, rambunctious, crazy. Children run right up to each other and hug. Children will sing and dance and be silly. Then, as we grow up and are forced to go to school, church, etc. we start to be programmed that childhood was a phase, a part of our development, and that it's time to leave it behind to move into adulthood.
Whose fucking idea was that?
Seriously. Who thought that one up.
I have a dear friend named Joe. We were roomies in college and Joe was (/is) a major pothead. Shortly after college he got married to his college sweetheart and they've been together ever since, 3 children in. Of everyone I know, Joe has the purest spirit of a child. He still smokes weed like it's his damn job. He loves to have fun with his kids and I imagine that he must be one of the most fun dads ever. Of course, he works and holds down a serious business-y job and maintains a house and cars, but there's still this spark within him of inner child. He's a huge inspiration to me, really.
The reason I mention Joe is because when we learn to just not care what other people think, our true self can really start to surface. Everything about being "an adult" or being "mature" is really about programming. We have to act in mature ways to be considered serious, to be considered for a promotion, or to move up in organizations. Part of what made "The Office" such a success was because Michael Scott was a man-child in the role of manager, which seemed very "fish out of water" to most of us. We expect our managers to generally be pragmatic and officious. We don't regularly trust our businesses and churches to adults who act like children. Instead, we choose people who are the MOST programmed to adulthood. We see these people as being responsible. It's a shame, really. They may offer stability and maybe some wisdom, but it shouldn't be their job to run everything.
Once we start stripping back the veneer of programming, our inner child is always there beneath everything. Our inner child who wants to play, experience, laugh and sing, make art, be creative, and just BE. One of the fastest ways to strip back this veneer is to stop listening to what others say about you.
It's a challenge. Most aren't ready for it. We are so programmed to listen to others -- family, coworkers, bosses, spiritual leaders -- that deliberately ignoring and not letting in what they say sounds sacrosanct. We let the peanut gallery in all the time to guide and steer us. Little do we know that 100% of the time, we can be our very own guide. We can tune in, go in, move into ourselves and ask the questions we want answered and if we actually choose to listen, we will get the answers that we need.
This programming is built into our society pretty deeply. Very deeply, actually! We learn the rules from our folks, who learn it from their folks. It's handed down, just like how cancers and mental illnesses are. Think about it for a minute. Think about your family history with illnesses. We almost all have something that runs in the family. If you could eliminate that part of your genetics, wouldn't you? Guess what? You can consider the rules that you've picked up from family to be the equivalent, except you have the absolute choice to eliminate them. Unlike your genetics, we can start working on letting go this programming -- these rules -- by simply starting with not listening to others' opinions of us.
As you rise to the challenge and consciously decide not to let that shit in, you will find your inner child coming out to play way more often. Your creative side will be on fire. You will find simple joys in your life wherever you go. Sometimes you might just randomly cry just because you want to and how good would that feel? One of those adult rules is not to cry. It's the dumbest rule of them all. Don't listen to them. Cry if you want to cry. The faster you do, the faster you let the light back in.
One more note: Not listening to people works two ways. So far, I've been talking more about not listening to the negative stuff, but it's also the POSITIVE stuff that we need to ignore. I know that might sound counter-intuitive because it's nice to hear nice things about ourselves. And don't get me wrong, it's fine to *hear* those nice things. Just don't make your self-worth dependent on it. When I do a session with a client, a lot of the times they'll gush afterwards and tell me how good I am at what I do. It's really nice to hear but the fact is, I already know. I trust in my skills and abilities. It's totally nice to hear the compliment, but I thank them and let it pass. I don't hang my ego up on that hook. The goal here, ultimately, is to just be centered in ourselves -- our true selves, our child selves -- such that a negative or positive word about us doesn't sway us in either direction because we've made the decision to *not let that shit in*.
Try it. See how it goes. Leave me a comment and tell me about your experiences with it. Until next time loves, remember. You are loved, you are strong, and you are powerful.
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