I can't tell you how many times I hear clients say "I don't know when I'm going to do XYZ, I'm always taking care of other people" or "I can't make that happen because I have to do XYZ for my family/friends/coworkers". Self-care has become the new hotness in the last decade with everyone jumping on the self-care bandwagon.
And generally, that's a good thing. I'm all for people carving out more time in their days to do things that really appeal to them and that are nourishing and restorative. The question that most always goes unanswered though is: How do caretakers break out of their habit of caretaking? Self-care obviously isn't doing a person any good if they can't break their habit of caretaking 100% of the time.
When you are conditioned as a caretaker, the very thought of NOT caretaking is a really big step even if you desperately need and want a break. What I've learned over time is that the caretaking bug is usually inherited really early on in people's lives. It seems that we have a subset of the population naturally inclined to be caretakers while a large number of others never grow into that role at all. If you come from a larger family, you usually get assigned roles fairly early on (whether directly or indirectly). As children grow, they desire to be seen as unique from their siblings and tend to take on these roles.
Think about any family you know with 3 or 4 children. There's almost always ...
A) The perfectionist/overachiever (generally the eldest, but not always)
B) The rebel/troublemaker
C) The caretaker
D) The sick one
A lot of the time these roles are taken on in an effort to get attention from parents and other authority figures. If the eldest child is an A+ student, they're usually getting a lot of positive attention. The next child seeks attention, but in a different way, so they become the rebel or the caretaker or the sick one.
It can be more difficult to break out of the caretaking role more than any of the other roles. This is because a perfectionist can always find that there's some joy in slacking and not always being an A+ student. The rebel might see the need to conform more as they mature. Even the sick one might grow out of their need to be sick to get attention. The caretaker, though, always has people counting on them. So, to step back from caretaking would mean stepping back from responsibilities. This can really trip up a caretaker who needs more time to nurture themselves.
The first step is to really understand where this role came from and why it affects you so much. Journaling can be really useful for this. Allow yourself to go back as early as you can remember to a point where you started taking on a caretaking role. What was happening around that time? Why did YOU need to take on this responsibility?
This is where hypnotherapy comes in extremely handy. In a hypnosis session, we're able to cut through so much of the conscious thought and allow the subconscious mind direct us easily to the causes and roots of the problem. Even while journaling, we let our conscious mind direct our thoughts. It's often best to let the conscious mind step aside and let the subconscious give direct answers.
The second step is to ask yourself: Do I really need to be doing this? Or, do I need to be caretaking as much as I am? Can I take a step back from this or enlist other people to help?
I can't tell you how many times I've seen one sibling shoulder the job of caretaking for elderly parents while the other siblings barely do anything. There are times where we have to make it known that we are not the only people who should be responsible. There are times when others have to step in and step up. This takes massive self-love and self-confidence.
Thus, the third step is to work on developing self-love and self-confidence. There will be times as a caretaker that we have to say no to people or situations. Caretakers who don't get to practice self-care enough get burnt out -- quickly! Self-care isn't just a nicety that we integrate if we can, it's actually a crucial part of our lives that we need in order to keep going. It's also the only form of care that no one else can do for you. If you're sick, you can see a doctor. If you're hungry, you can order a meal. Yet, there's no shortcut to self-care. You need to have the self-love and confidence to know that self care is a necessity.
The wonderful thing is that hypnotherapy truly helps with all of this. Being unable to step out of a role such as caretaker is a mental block, whether it be conscious or unconscious in nature. Hypnosis is a powerful way to understand the source of the issue and to help release the block. Once the block is released (which can often be done in just 1-3 sessions), then we work on installing healthy new thought patterns and beliefs that move you in your desired direction. In a way, it's reprogramming the mind just like a computer programmer can rewrite the code of a computer. Life is too short to be stuck in a block or a holding pattern. Life is meant to be lived. Hypnotherapy is simply one effective way of getting there quicker.
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