Yesterday I went to my meditation group, just as I do most Sunday afternoons. I love the feeling of meditating with other people. The first Sunday of each month is our book discussion day and the discussion was primarily centered around how so many people struggle with worthiness and enoughness.
Like many people, I oscillate between feeling like a rockstar and like a failure. Maybe that's too strong of a sentiment, but legitimately I feel like there are times when I can take on the world and am confident and there are other times where I feel lost, unmotivated, and downtrodden. Most of these people in my meditation group I've now known for 7 years and these are people whom I love and respect and -- truly -- who I only see the very best in. On a weekly basis, I'm inspired by hearing about the lives of my sangha members.
What struck me this week was, as we discussed the book, how many of them struggled with enoughness. If these people who I look up to so much struggle with enoughness: Does everyone? And if so, why?
I don't know if there's an easy answer to these questions, but I am certain that these feelings affect a huge proportion of the population in Western countries. It seems to me that these notions are consciously and subconsciously foisted upon us in an effort to keep us docile, keep us in our place, and to keep us under control. After all, if suddenly one morning everyone woke up with an understanding, a knowing, an absolute realiziation that they ARE enough and that they ARE worthy -- not contigent on anything else -- what would society look like? If everyone knew and understood their own value to the world, we'd be so much less likely to be coerced, to be manipulated, or to be pushed around.
In a world where everyone is awakened to their enoughness and worthiness, people would step out of their unhappy routines and into their creative, artistic, vivid, vital selves. People would know that laziness does not exist and that rest and relaxation is not just self-care, but it is part of our species. Most every other animal species on this planet takes time to rest when they want to or need to and they spend not a moment's thought on worrying that they're not getting enough done. Japanese Macaques spend a good portion of their lives chilling out in natural hot springs. Sounds like a great life.
Frankly, I'd love to live in this world. I'd love to be surrounded by others who are aware that their worthiness is not based on conditions. We all hear the term "unconditional love" from time to time but what of "unconditional enoughness" or "unconditional worthiness"? Why aren't we writing poems and songs about that?
The trick here is that we need to get more people on board with waking up to their unconditional selves and that isn't easy when there is so much programming pushing people in the opposite direction. So, the question becomes: How do we do it? How do we get people to open up and accept their enoughness? How do we counteract the overwhelming programming? I'm going to offer a few suggestions, but this list is far from exhaustive.
Suggestion #1: Find ways to avoid advertising as much as possible. This may seem like a strange suggestion, but to me it's the most natural thing. Advertising -- 100% of the time -- is about getting you to spend money on something that you don't already have by getting across the message that you need/want/should have this thing. The entire premise of advertising is that you do not have enough and by extension, you are not enough.
I think a lot about those car ads that come on around Christmastime where an obviously wealthy couple surprises each other with luxury SUVs (that they apparently bought without consulting their partner) which are wrapped up with big red bows in the driveway. What is the message that's sending to the vast majority of people who would struggle to come up with $5000 to get a used Nissan Versa? It's 100% "fuck you, you should find $45000 to get a luxury vehicle for your wife for the holidays!"
Unfortunately, it's impossible in the Western world to completely avoid advertising. Digital marketing experts estimate that Americans see an average of 4000-10000 ads PER DAY. That is 4000-10000 messages bombarding you with the concept that you need more, you need to consume more, that you do not have enough, that you should have more. It's insane, truly. To me, a quality step one in owning your enoughness is knowing that you ALREADY have enough and that by extension you already ARE enough.
Suggestion #2: Find ways to consistently remind yourself of your enoughness. Seriously, post it around your house, your car, everywhere. Write it on post-its, with lipstick on your bathroom mirror, on the screen of your phone. If we're bombarded with 4000-10000 ads per day, we need to up the number of times we remind ourselves of our enoughness. Optimally, I'd love to see you interface with THIS message 4000 times per day. Challenge yourself to see how many places you can get this message across.
If you're anything like me, you probably unlock your phone dozens of times per day to check messages. Go to Google images and find an image that gets across "I Am Enough" and put it on your lock screen and your home screen. Heck, buy some henna ink and do a temporary tattoo on your arm. We need to counter-program with the relentlessness that marketing companies push information on us.
Suggestion #3: Tune into yourself deeply. I have a friend who was raised in a strict religious tradition (Calvinist) where so much of the messaging and programming was about making yourself less than. The lower you could put yourself down, the more pious you were. I have other friends raised in Catholicism who spent years struggling with themselves, scared that they were going to perish in hell because they're gay. Heck, think about when you were a kid in school and had to ask permission to use the bathroom. What does it teach children that they have to ask an authority figure to do a biologically necessary activity?
Unfortunately, a lot of us are raised with families, traditions, cultures, and spiritual practices that shoehorn us into not-enoughness and unworthiness. It's especially hard to break out of these cycles when it's so prominent in your childhood. However, if you tune in really deeply to your core self -- to that unshakeable part of you that's underneath everything you've learned and experienced -- this core self knows that you're worthy. It will take time, but it will guide you to better-feeling states and help you shake off some of the programming you were subjected to.
Think about where you're still getting the message that you're not enough. Is it from church? School? Work? Family? Friends? You have the ability to change all of these things, or at least how you interact with them. Being aware of where the programming is coming from is half the battle. Once you're aware of where the messages are coming from, you can be far more discerning about what you're willing to take in.
I think back of when I was in school and how there were classmates who weren't troublemakers, but just weren't interested in following the prescribed rules and guidelines. At the time, I saw them as troublemakers. I thought they were wasting our teachers' time. In retrospect, I wish I had been one of them. So many of these rules were simply intended to instill a sense of authority, but if we're all worthy, we're all equal.
Before I conclude today, let me remind you once again: Enoughness is your birthright. Worthiness is your birthright. Babies are born knowing that they're enough and that they're worthy. A baby cannot survive on its own and needs caretakers to keep it alive. Babies don't think twice about crying at night and waking up their parents. Babies don't think they're less worthy because they pooped in their diaper. We are born knowing what worthiness is. We just forget it along the way. I want you to remember every day that you are enough, that you are worthy. What a beautiful world it would be if we all owned up to this fact. So, let's set about owning it again.
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